Hi.

You probably don't know me anymore as well as you think you do.

I'm you from before all of this. Before therapy, before the business, before you started learning things you were convinced were "not really your thing", before you knew what DNS was, apparently. 😂

I'm writing from the version of your life you spent so much time trying to get out of, and I have a few questions.

Did you finally learn to say no without explaining yourself for twenty minutes? Do you still think everyone else knows better than you? Did you stop shrinking your opinions because it felt easier than dealing with someone else's reaction? Do you trust yourself with decisions now? Do you take care of yourself properly? Did you ever stop waiting until you felt confident before doing things? Did you build anything of your own? Did you make more money? Did you get healthier? Did you stop putting yourself at the bottom of every list? Did you finally quit smoking?

I know some of the answers already. Some are yes, some are "more than before", and some are very much under construction.

Of course they are, you silly.

You always did enjoy having seventeen projects open at once. 😂

I know you still get impatient. I know you look at where you want to go and immediately start measuring everything that is still missing — the money you haven't made yet, the habits that still aren't automatic, the body you're still working on, the things you still overthink, the parts of yourself you really thought would be sorted by now.

And I know you well enough to know that you can make a hundred changes and still focus on the two that haven't moved fast enough.

Very efficient.

But I need you to look at me for a second. Really look.

I'm the woman who had no idea how any of this was going to work out. I'm the one who stayed inside too much, doubted herself constantly, kept quiet when she had something to say, edited her own opinions before they ever left her mouth, wanted more but couldn't always explain what "more" even meant.

I kept thinking something had to change, but I had no real system for changing it.

Remember me?

Good.

Because lately you keep saying something that I find interesting.

You say you feel like you're taking a hundred steps in your personal growth every single day and somehow all of them are in place.

I understand why it feels that way. You're always looking forward — at the next goal, the next version, the next problem to solve, the next habit to build. You keep measuring the distance between where you are and where you want to be.

Maybe, just once, measure the other direction.

Measure the distance from me.

I didn't know you would start therapy. I didn't know you would learn all those things. I didn't know you would start your own business. I definitely didn't know you would build a website yourself and then casually talk about DNS, analytics and email systems like this was always part of the plan. 😂

I didn't know you would start writing publicly about becoming a different version of yourself while still being right in the middle of it. I didn't know you would create something because you needed a system for yourself and then decide maybe another woman somewhere needed it too.

I didn't know any of that.

You do now.

That matters.

And yes, before you get annoying and point out all the things that still aren't done, I know. There's a lot left.

You still have things you want to change. You still make old choices sometimes. You still know exactly what would be better for you and occasionally do the opposite anyway.

Congratulations on remaining human. 😂

I'm not asking you to pretend you've arrived. I'm asking you to stop acting like you haven't moved.

There is a difference.

And you don't need to turn me into some tragic old version of yourself either. I wasn't nothing. I got you here. I made decisions with what I knew then. I survived things you understand differently now. I wanted better before I knew what better looked like.

I started asking the questions.

You're answering some of them now.

And maybe years from now, another version of us will look back at you and think exactly the same thing. She'll probably be annoyed that you worried so much. She'll probably wonder why you thought you were behind. She might even miss some parts of your life exactly as they are today.

That's a strange thought, isn't it?

So before you start another list, open another tab, set another goal or decide that you should be further ahead by now, do me one favor.

Look back.

Not forever. Just long enough to remember that progress looks very different when you stop staring only at the finish line.

You're still becoming.

Good. You were supposed to be.

Anyway, I have to go. You apparently have quite a lot left to do. 😂

But for what it's worth?

I would have thought you were impossible.

Keep going.

— You